Managing Parental Preference in Children
Why does she always run to her father when she’s upset? Why does he never share with me what he learned in school? She always invites her dad to play with her. Why not me? Having these questions in your mind is normal, as kids do have a parental preference.
What is parental preference?
Parental preference refers to a consistent situation where a child prefers one parent over the other. Kids choose one parent to seek help, comfort, security, or validation.
Watching their kids crib about ‘I only want Mumma’ or ‘I only want Papa’ can be emotionally draining for the parent who is not being chosen. But it is as difficult for the preferred parent as they have to be available all the time. Parental preference has nothing to do with kids’ love for their parents. They love both their parents equally and express this affection in their own way.
Kids usually incline more towards one parent during their toddlerhood or preschool years due to child attachment issues. It continues to change over time, influenced by multiple factors. According to the best preschool in Gurgaon, child preferences can be managed through balanced parenting approaches.
Why does parental preference happen?
- Routine Familiarity
They are inclined more towards the parents they spend more time with. Primary caregivers become their preferred parents as they take care of all their needs, dress them, feed them, help with homework, and so on. Kids feel more comfortable in their presence and choose them in different situations.
- Personality Match
Just as adults like to be in the company of like-minded people, kids, too, like to spend time with adults with whom they resonate. Children tend to choose the parent whose interests and habits align with their own.
- Parenting Style
Both parents have different parenting styles. Kids choose one according to the convenience of the situation. Sometimes they choose the one they feel understands their emotions well. While at other times, they prefer the one who lets them explore their independence.
Here are some preference management parenting strategies for toddlers
For the less preferred parent
- Spend one-on-one time with your kid
Spending time together as a family is one thing, spending bonding time with just you and your child is another. Establish a rapport with your child by scheduling regular one-on-one sessions each week. This is your chance to give your little one undivided attention, hear their stories, feelings and have some fun together. Go for their favourite activities, such as cycling, baking, taking a short walk, or building a tower with blocks. It significantly helps in fostering parent-child bonds.
- Fill in the gaps for your partner
Extend a helping hand to your partner and take on some of your kids’ responsibilities. For example, get your little one ready for school while your partner prepares breakfast for them, or pick them up from school while your partner is busy at home or work. This will establish a reliable relationship with both your partner and your child.
- Understand Parental preferences
Not being the favourite one can be hurtful to some parents. Parental preference has nothing to do with the amount of love a kid feels for both parents. Children have different relationships with each parent, and both are beautiful in their way. Don’t force the connection; instead, maintain consistent efforts and love. Showing up makes a great difference than you realise.
For the preferred parent
- Involve your partner in activities
Invite your partner to join you and your little one for the activities you think you all will enjoy together, because sometimes the more the merrier. Tell your child ‘Let’s ask Papa to join us and help out with the puzzle’ or ‘Let’s ask Mumma to read the bedtime story tonight.’ This reassures the parent that both parents are equally fun. It will help your partner naturally take up your duties in your absence without any resistance from the kids’ side.
- Talk highly of your partner
Children are keen observers. They pick up habits from the people around them. What they listen to, they believe. Make sure to recognise your partner’s efforts and compliment them for their qualities in front of your kid. For example – ‘Daddy is good at football’ or ‘Your Mom is best at making cakes’. These simple compliments will reinforce a positive image and build a strong relationship with both parents.
- Give yourself and your child some space
Sometimes the best you can do is take a step back, steal some me-time for yourself, and let the other parent take over the child’s responsibility. It’s a win-win for you and your partner. While you nourish your relationship with yourself, the less-preferred parent will have the opportunity to strengthen their bond with the child.
Managing parental preference in children is less about correcting their choice and more about making them feel safe, heard, and nurtured by both their parents. It’s their journey to developing independence, self-awareness, and emotional understanding. Balanced parenting approaches are the key to fostering parent-child bonds with both parents.
Beansprouts Pre-primary, the best preschool in Gurgaon, focuses on child behaviour management, providing a space where children feel secure and supported by their educators and staff. While understanding child preferences, remember that children bloom where they feel nurtured. The secret remains to put in efforts and let time and patience do their magic.